i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
