Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
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