how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
