he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
