I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
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