just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I could fuck to npr.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
