She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
