How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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