I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
