we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
