READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
