I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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