I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
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we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
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After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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