So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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