Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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