Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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