you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
