i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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