so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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