how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
