Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
