thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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