Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
