i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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