Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
