He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
