hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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