so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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