I heard we made out
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
