so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
third nipple confirmed
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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