Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
