Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
