I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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