Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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