brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
