Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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