I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
