We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
