"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
