Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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