She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
