Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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