The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
