I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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