I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize