My hand turned me down
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
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When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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