I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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