And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
