i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
