Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
