I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
