remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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