Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
