Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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