so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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