So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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