Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
