I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
