But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
