Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
