You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
