He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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