Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
