and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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