After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
foreskin is a definite game changer
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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