I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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