holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
