if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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